I’m seeing a lot of posts at the moment where everyone is talking about how awesome summer is. Now don’t get me wrong, I do love a bit of warm weather, exposing my pasty legs and doing a bit of sun worship (then staying out too long and looking like a little jelly baby), but there are also times when summer can be a right dick and here are my ten reasons why.
1. All the magazine articles tell you how to get your body “bikini ready”. Oh fuck off, and when you get there, fuck off some more. Anyone can wear a bikini; you don’t need to have tan or shave your legs so much that you take off the top layer of skin and you most certainly don’t need to “banish that muffin top” or do”50 squats a day for that perfect beach bum!”. Just no.
2. Applying sunscreen may be necessary but jesus, does it have to be so blimmin’ gloopy? You also never know if you’re applying too little so you go overboard and end up looking like an extra from The Addams Family. And at the end of a hard day sun-bathing, you find a spot you missed. Neat.
3. We get throngs of tourists over the summer and while I like the fact they’re ploughing money into our local economy, I don’t like the fact that they walk more slowly than a snail, seven abreast on the pavement and then stop dead in the road, point to a dot, like, 500 miles away and proclaim “look Ethel, it’s Brighton Pier!” Yes love, we all know it’s there, keep moving, some of us have places to be ya know!
4. When you’ve decided you’re having a healthy dinner of Mediterranean stuffed peppers and the smell of someone’s BBQ wafts over your house. It’s just not necessary. Unless you’re going to invite me over, in which case your BBQ rocks!
5. Hay fever. The tiniest bit of nice weather and there go my eyes, streaming and wasting those precious minutes in the morning I spent carefully applying eyeliner when I could have been sleeping. Or catching up on Instagram! Cheers body, you the best. Coupled with an itchy throat and a sneezy nose, summer really makes me hate nature. Stupid trees.
6. You’re out enjoying the lovely sunny weather, then suddenly it’s pouring down with rain and you’re holed up with 20 other people taking shelter in a doorway that smells vaguely like someone did a wee. Which they probably did. And you didn’t think to bring an umbrella or poncho because the man on TV and your smartphone app said it would be nice all day!
7. Now I’m an adult I have to go to work, which means I no longer get 6 weeks off to do sod all and complain about being bored. Booo!
8. Wasps. Those little bastards turn up all unannounced to the party and gatecrash while everyone panics and starts throwing food everywhere hoping to entice the wasps elsewhere. Which never works. They don’t like wasabi peas. Apparently.
9. Seagulls. Pretty similar to number 8 but seagulls are a bit more vicious, they’ll take the chips clean out of your hands. Then sit near you and gloat.
10. Once the summer hits, it means it’ll soon be autumn and then winter, which means more rainy, windy, miserable weather 🙁
What do you hate about summer? Let me know in the comments below 🙂 x